Relationship Break; Questioning your Questions

Warning. The following is not advice. Only a new perspective.

Have you ever taken a break from a relationship, to question if it’s the right thing for you; whether it concerns a long term marriage, or a recently found courtship? In your questioning, what type of questions are you asking, are they based in truth, or based on an idea stemming from the ego? You’ve probably noticed, that whenever we seek a solution to a life challenge, we begin by asking questions. These questions, set the premise for the answers we will receive, and then the action we will take. Also, it’s pretty common to think that the questions that go through your mind are the same questions that everyone else is asking; this is not true at all.

Whenever I approach a life challenge, I first step back, and question my questions. What do my questions say about my perspective? Are they in alignment with love, acceptance, forgiveness, oneness, compassion, etc? Or do they stem from a place of fear, control, hatred, judgment, blame, etc? The more in alignment my questions are with love, then the more in alignment my actions will be in love, which equals a life expression of the same. Also the opposite is true as well, with questions based in fear.

Questions like… “what is this other person doing, that keeps me unhappy and not wanting to be with them?” are based in fear. It is saying for one, that your happiness is based on the actions of someone else; secondly, it says your decisions are based on what other people decide to do.

Another question… “what must they change in order for me to come back, or continue this relationship?” This is a big one. For me, personally, I see this as a form of control, playfully perpetrated by the ego; here’s why. First of all, when this is used in the context of marriage, it only strengthens my perception that our social idea of marriage is a silly and regressive idea. If we choose to be with someone, only because we believe they will change, then we never fully accepted them to begin with; only desiring to have control over their actions, and if they do change, you’re still not going to be satisfied.

An alternative question to ask, that is more in alignment with truth and love, would be… “Do I accept this person as is, without an expectation for change, and in my acceptance, do I desire to have a relationship with them, as they are now?” This totally leaves yourself open to the possibility that they wont change; which is a true possibility. It has been my experience, and my wife’s experience, that as we accept each other fully, as we are, it empowers the individual to make meaningful life changes on their own, for their own reasons and in their own perfect time, rather than forcing reason upon them.

One of the major hang ups we have, is the belief that relationships or “marriage,” is suppose to be for a really really really long time; so we get trapped into thinking about making a decision for the rest of our life. One of the most freeing decisions that my wife and I have made, is the understanding that tomorrow is to it’s own. We don’t know if we will be together next year or ten years from now. It’s not about a life long commitment, it’s about a commitment now, in this moment, not for moments that have not yet come. If we end up being together for the rest of our lives great, if we decide not to be, then great also. In this process we have discovered a great appreciation and acceptance for each other, as we are now, without an expectation of who the other person should or should not be. This also contributes to the honesty and transparency we share, where we can talk freely about how we feel, without the fear that someone might leave, we give each other the freedom to live their life according to how they see fit. Our individual value is not dictated by their choice to stay or go.

To wrap up this long Paw Daily, question your questions as you make meaningful life decisions; this will teach you much. If you have additional relationship questions that pertain to the above, feel free to send me an email via the website, and I’ll surely respond with additional insights. (response guaranteed up to 6 months after this post)

Did you find genuine value within this post? If you did, then most likely you know someone else who will as well. I invite you to share the goodness!
Namaste -Tigmonk