Complicated Relationships; finding a deeper love

Q&A Tuesday

Submitted Question

Tiger, why are relationships so complicated?
-Andy B. -Scranton PA

Insight

At first glance it seems as thought it would be difficult and complicated to have a healthy, functional, and mutually beneficial relationship. However the truth of the matter, from my experience, is just the opposite. It’s not that it’s hard to have a “successful” relationship, it’s quite simple; what’s difficult is having a “difficult/Complicated” relationship. All the fights, the arguments, complaints, power struggles, dishonesty, etc, that is what’s difficult in a relationship. Love, Forgiveness, Peace, Beauty, these are all very easy aspects of life, they offer up no resistance towards what is.

So the real questions is, “why do I choose to have difficulty in my relationships?” And my honest answer, I couldn’t possibly tell you why. Your “why” for behaving this way probably changes minute by minute. I would recommend asking yourself when times seem difficult, “why am I resisting love?” Why am I resisting peace? Why am I choosing to resist forgiveness? These are great questions that might shed light into the truth that is, Love is more peaceful than fear. Over time I feel you might gain tremendous insight.

In addition, honest loving relationships such as in a marriage, aren’t something to be forced; it is something to be created. And we only fool ourselves if we believe what once seemed meant to be, means it always will be meant to be. Sometimes repairing a relationship is like trying to repair an old car, sometimes they run their course and it’s just time to move on. Many couples spend thousands of dollars trying to repair a marriage that was dead 10 years ago, this is fine if it’s what you feel led to do, but understand it’s not a requirement, and truly what’s important is that you (your soul) gets nurtured.

There are needs within your being that desire to be experienced, such things that might be… touch and affection, or encouragement and strength, or even compassion and understanding. Relationships are awesome for experiencing deeper depths of ourselves, so understand that your soul needs are just as important as the soul needs of those around you.

Also for your consideration, in speaking about relationships, see this from the other side. If someone ever leaves you for any reason, understand that your value does not rest in your ability to fulfill the needs of their soul. Why is it you honestly believe that they should/must be with you, and not by themselves or with somebody else? It can be difficult to just simply wish a loved one well as they walk out of your life, hoping for them only the best; but honestly, if you couldn’t do that, is it really love that you feel so strongly -or a sense of possessiveness.

As you understand such things, about yourself, you discover new depths of love that you can share with self and others. So even as one door may close, there are many other doors awaiting to teach you something new; some new way to love, more deeply.

Did you find genuine value within this post? If you did, then most likely you know someone else who will as well. I invite you to share the goodness!
Namaste -Tigmonk